Safer To Hate Her
by 7-LunaAbraxos-7
Summary: Damon muses over his feelings for Elena and how in the long run, maybe it's be better for everyone if he didn't love her. But will he really give her up?


_So I have another Delena for you, which to be honest came from a cynical place in my mind. I was feeling a little down after deciding that guys are just _useless_. (No offence if you're a guy reading this, I don't mean every one of you, just certain ones.) So, after deciding I want to shut everyone out of my head for a little bit, I wrote this. _

**Disclaimer:**___The song lyrics (italic paragraphs at start and end) are from 'Safer To Hate Her' by You Me At Six. I don't own The Vampire Diaries or Damon Salvatore. If I did I certainly wouldn't share him with the world __

**-Delena-Delena-Delena-**

_It'd be safer to hate her_

_Than love her and lose her_

_It'd be safer to hate her all around_

He didn't like feeling like this; didn't like this connection. The thirsty creature in him tried to deny it, but the humanity that he still possessed was winning the battle, elated in the fact that despite his heart not beating, he felt alive for the first time in five hundred years.

The cause for such battle was soft, warm, kind and loving. She was everything that Katherine hadn't been. The knowledge that Katherine had wanted Stefan in the end still hurt and the memories of the events in the graveyard will stay with him. But this human girl, the one who'd been turned, died and come back; the girl who's Power had eased his mind and released him from the crippling influence of Shinichi…

Thoughts of her filled his mind: her blonde curls, inquisitive blue eyes, her blood… Her blood was exquisite, addictive, intoxicating, and any other was bland in comparison. Hers was much more than just sustenance to him, and he knew she knew that too; it had formed a bond between the two of them, one so strong it worried him how much hold it had over him. How much hold _she _had over him.

_It'd be safer to hate her, _he thought as he looked in through her bedroom window. _That way I won't have to lose her. _

Not that he'd ever _had_ her; he knew that. She was Stefan's… always Stefan's. Never his.

_It'd be safer to hate her… just like I did when I first came here. Hate her because she's not mine. _

He sat silently, frozen, like a living statue. Well, an undead statue.

By loving her, everything about him had changed; he was starting to let people in… well, sort of. He was tolerant of her friends; had protected them in the Dark Dimension. He'd felt guilty when he saw the state of Stefan in that jail cell, and that too was a result of her influence; the walls he'd built around himself had started to crumble under her beautiful blue orbs, the softness of her touch, the press of her lips…

He frowned through the window at the form on the bed, wrapped up in the duvet. This human girl had so much sway over him; he couldn't understand it. She had changed everything that he'd been, erased the monstrosity that he used to call himself. Well, maybe not _erased_ it; it still niggled in the back of his mind from time to time, but he wasn't as impulsive as he used to be. Love had calmed him.

But love was painful; he knew that all too well. Love hurt and burned you and stabbed you in the back. It was confusing and complicated and… He shook his head. _Complicated doesn't even begin to describe this_, he thought. But the thirsty, angry creature within him told him it wasn't - that he should grab her from her bed and escape out into the night with her, drain her of life and ditch the body. What was complicated about that? Forget love: that was for the weak, for Stefan and humans, not proper creatures of the night, those that were ruthless and bloodthirsty and-

He shut out that part of his mind, not wanting to hear the rest of it. He knew it was how he _should_ be feeling, but his heart wasn't inclined to agree. He had to laugh at that. His heart. It hadn't beat in… centuries… and yet it had so much control over him it was as though he were still alive and depending on it to keep him so. _Another reason I should shut her out,_ he mused, _it's turning me human._

Even thinking of himself as becoming human put a bad taste in his mouth, despite him having been one not a few weeks before. He'd never been so thankful that Sage had still been hanging around to turn him again; he knew that Stefan would quite happily leave him as human as a form of punishment. But he was getting off the point. Being human wasn't something he wanted – he wasn't a wet blanket like his brother. He enjoyed being part of the night, the thrill of the chase, the feel of blood running down his throat. But for her… for her he would do anything, even if it meant giving up the things he enjoyed.

_She's turned me soft… it'd be better to hate her. I can't live like this any more. _A crack told him he was crushing part of the branch he was sat on, and he pried his fingers from the wood. _It's time to rebuild some walls. Push her out. _

He swallowed and dropped out of the tree, landing with a light thud on the grass. Rising from his crouch, he looked back up at the window.

_It'd be safer to hate her. Safer for everyone._

He turned, and, without looking back, walked out into the night.

_In the dark I watch everyone disappear_

_And I'm beginning to let myself down_

_And I'm pushing everyone that was in, out…_

**-Delena-Delena-Delena-**

_Fin. A little insight into the workings of the older Salvatore's mind: fighting between loving Elena and protecting himself from being hurt. That's what I've felt about Damon, especially in the later books; he loves Elena, but he puts on the bad guy front to keep her away…_

_Anywho, tell me what you is thinking my lovelies._

_Luna xxx_


End file.
